What women want

“Women don’t even like harmless men. They hate them! They like to claw them apart! What women want are dangerous men who are civilized, and they want to help civilize them. That’s Beauty and the Beast.

“I’ll tell you a funny story (and only engineers could have come up with this because they’re the only ones that have the unparalleled blindness to social convention that would allow them to discover it) so the google engineers (I like engineers by the way, because they’re very straightforward), the google engineers wrote a book a while back called A Billion Wicked Thoughts which is a study of Internet searches, billions of them, literally. They were looking at a lot of pornography use. There’s lots known about male pornography use and it’s easy to understand, I mean, males are pretty visually oriented and what attracts them to pornography is fairly straightforward. You can tell that if you look at graffiti in a men’s washroom, y’know, it’s like, two circles and a triangle and the men are absolutely transfixed by it.

“For women the story is more complex. They use pornography too, but it tends to be literary because women tend to like words more than they like visual stimuli. So the google guys tried to track down the archetypal structure (though they didn’t use those words) of female pornography use. How many of you know what a Harlequin romance is? Okay good, so those are archetypal stories. That’s the taming of the wild man, essentially, by the desirable and virginal woman. If you think women don’t want that then you’d better bloody well come up with an explanation for Fifty Shades of Grey, which is the most rapid selling novel in human history, and it emerged at exactly the same time that all of this noise about the absence of gender roles is being produced en masse. It’s the perfect female fantasy. It’s exactly archetypically correct, it’s Beauty and the Beast.

“What the google guys showed was the structure of Beauty and the Beast (though they didn’t use that as a referent), that the female pornographic fantasy was: wild guy, somewhat careless about the wants and desires of others, attractive to everyone (therefore high status), tamed by the magic of a single woman and brought into a relationship with her.

“But here’s the comical part. This just made me laugh, man. What were the five categories of most desirable male entity used most broadly in female pornography? It’s so embarassing. Women you have to cover your heads while I say this.

“Vampire, werewolf, billionaire, surgeon, and pirate.”

— Jordan Peterson at the  Ottawa Public Library, March 11 2017. (source)

 

I am not putting slut shaming in my book

His Possession is currently the #1 “best vampire story” on Wattpad. Not “most popular,” not “most views,” not “most likes,” not “most comments,” but “best.” This is the silver tuna.

The story stars Richard Madden as Edward Cullen Christian Grey Dorian Gray Demonic Guy Damon Gray, because that’s what Wattpad wants you to do: rather than paint a subtle resemblance in your reader’s minds throughout the beginning of the story, just overtly cast actors in the characters’ roles and publish your cast list in the sidebar, where it will remain for quick and easy referencing in later chapters. Why show when you can tell? Your readers won’t retain what your writing shows them anyway.

SophieHayward96

Title: His Possession
Author: SophieHayward96
Total views: 3,208,697
Final chapter views: 71,255
Stars: 100,183

Teaser:

Amelia’s life is turned upside down

And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit down, K?
I’ll tell you how I became the posession of a vampire called Damon Gray.

when she is kidnapped, tortured, then soon to be sold to a vampire when she comes of age.

I wouldn’t like to be subjected to soon to be anything, but being subjected to soon to be sold to a vampire would be beyond the pale.

During an auction, she catches the eye of one vampire; Damon Gray.

Only one, at an auction? Ouch.

Damon is a very powerful, strong, and handsome, but tends to be cruel man.

That sucks man. But is he stoic? Is he secretly emotionally tortured?

He feeds on her

I hate Vampires. They are the most unsexy and unthreatening of all mythical monsters. Vampires are the mosquitoes of the fantasy world. But once I turn my spine rightside out again I’ll try to stop judging people for their cannibalistic bloodsport kinks.

and punishes her when she does something wrong.

Well, at least he’s a morally upstanding guy.

But after all this, she admires him. He gave her food and shelter. He gave her a place to call home.

He gave her a moral compass.

As the days pass, Amelia begins to feel emotions she thought she would never feel; jealousy and love.

If she expected to feel them it wouldn’t be a surprise, see.

Author’s Note:

I know you’re probably wondering, “What is the point of this Author’s Note?” but it is for you, mainly.

Who… m-me?

I have had a couple of people in the past make fanart for this book. Now I wanted to inform you that if you too wanted to {Do not worry as I am not and will never force you to make some}

Not even when I do something wrong?

[Submission details ensue.]

But as stated above, I am not forcing or telling you that you have to do it. It is your choice. If you don’t want to then don’t.

You protest so much I’m a little spooked. It’s like you would normally use a hidden backdoor to infest my computer with child porn and then threaten to tip off the cops unless I made you some fan art, but today you just don’t feel like it. Or do you?

Chapter One: Where It All Began

Life is different now the vampires had come out of the coffin.

When the grave robber lifted the coffin’s lid, one hundred — nay, one hundred thousand! — famished little vampires swarmed out into the fog, buzzing a tortured whine of eons, determined to thrust their hard, drooling probosci into the throbbing femoral arteries of innocents across the globe.

The world is now a dangerous place. Girls and boys are being taken off of the streets and into what the vampires call, “pet shops” to be sold to a vampire.  They will either become bodyguards or pets.

And every human adult is just too darn turned on by the news to do anything about it.

Either way, the vampires will feed on you until they don’t need you anymore. That’s when they tend to drain them dry or sell them to a friend of theirs.

How dependable is a bodyguard when he’s running on only half a tank of blood, anyway?

The world’s not as great as everyone thinks it is.

1 in 6 Americans is taking a psychiatric drug.

You are either the lion or the lamb.

And lo, the lion shall lie down with the lamb, and drink deeply of its blood, and get jiggy unto it.

My alarm started buzzing, indicating I had to get up as it was my first day back at school. I shot up in a cold sweat, panting and feeling around for bite marks or any marks that indicated I was hurt. I was clear. Thank God for that. Damn nightmares. I pulled off my quilt and swung my legs around. I was so tired from all the sleepless nights. I needed coffee.

Damn sleepless nights filled with nightmares and other dreams.

[Mother sings happy Birthday. Daughter doesn’t like it.]

Alarm clock + unwelcome mothering = safe and reliable opening?

“Well have a shower and get dressed. You will feel better. And please do not wear your smart clothes.”

“What is wrong with wearing something smart?”

“It’s your first day honey. You need to make an impression”

“No you want me to dress like the other girls at that school.”

“Yes that is exactly what I’m saying. You would fit in then.”

“You do know right that those girls purposely wear skirts that barely cover their ass and not to mention the crop tops that just cover their cleavage just in hopes to get a vampires attention. I think I will stick to the clothes I chose yesterday. I respect myself too much to degrade myself like they do.”

In this universe it is totally normal for young girls to openly fetishise and actively pursue their own brutalizations and deaths at the hands of supernatural monsters. And if parents  encourage their children to make themselves targets of kidnapping, rape and murder, that’s only a bit weird.

Okay I am having to put this because of too many comments about it being “slut shaming.”

What’s this? An author’s note crammed right in the middle of the first chapter to respond to a Feminist hate mob’s inline comments — inline comments which Wattpad, in order to be welcoming and user-friendly to everyone, does not allow writers to disable?

It clearly states that the girls who wear short skirts or shorts and crop tops are not wearing them as they are comfy, it clearly states that they are only wearing the short clothes in hopes of a vampire picking them. They don’t care what they wear just as long as it grabs a vampire’s attention.

I am not putting slut shaming in my book

Yes you are, and that’s fine.

because I don’t agree with it.

Yes you do — you think it’s shameful for women to be deliberately sexy to attract men. You think it’s only okay to wear sexy clothes if it’s because they are ‘comfy.’ Or is that just what your character thinks, and you don’t know what slut shaming is?

So please stop with messages to me saying I am a “slut shamer”

The only thing suggesting what you believe is your author’s note. Aside from that, it’s the character who is doing a bit of slut shaming, which is fine. Teenage girls slut shame all the time. And it makes some sense for this character, since if she was already slut to begin with the ensuing sex slavery wouldn’t be dramatic enough.

or a “heartless bitch” because that is not nice and cruel. So please stop. Thank you.

Wattpad is friendly Wattpad is welcoming Wattpad is a safe space Wattpad is friendly Wattpad is welcoming Wattpad is a safe space Wattpad is friendly Wattpad is welcoming Wattpad is a safe space Wattpad is friendly Wattpad is welcoming Wattpad is a safe space

“I only want you to fit in.” She sighed.

“Those girls are just walking vamp bait. At least wearing what I want means less chance of getting taken by them.”

“Just think about it will you?”

“Why? It sounds like you want me to be taken by the vampires.”

“No honey. Why would I want that?”

“Ignore that. I’m just going to get changed, wear what I want and then start to walk to school.”

“Okay honey. I will leave your presents on your bed for when you get back.”

“Thank you mom.” I smiled, kissing her cheek.

Bad news, Amelia: your mother is a robot zombie. Maybe a vampire minion. You are smart enough to notice that she’s trying to put you in a vulnerable position, and yet somehow you are not smart enough to keep your lips off her. Foreshadowing?

[Amelia showers and gets ready for school in order to provide us with a detailed description of clothing, hairstyle, accessories and physical characteristics.]

I’m bored.